It’s Scary To Be White These Days…

TRIGGER WARNING: The following blog involves satirical language.

As a fellow white woman, I’m finding life to be a lot scarier now than ever. I see people speaking Spanish, black people napping, Muslims eating ice cream… what happened to our safe little world? I’m about to be a mother to a white boy and I’m terrified for him. I feel compelled to write this blog because us white women finally need to be heard. There is so much scariness going on and we need to start speaking out because we never ever do.

When I heard about the incident of the man running over and killing 15 people in my own city, Toronto, it upset me dearly. I feel for the victims but now I’m reading that the driver was an Incel (involuntary celibate). The man just needed to get laid. Many people’s lives would have been spared if women just stopped crying for one second about self respect and give this repulsive soul a handy. The boy that shot all those students in Texas is being labeled a terrorists which concerns me because terrorists are brown people, but he’s white… so does that mean he’s secretly Muslim? It’s all so confusing. It’s not fair to label white men as the source to mass shootings just because majority of mass shootings are done by white men. It’s also not fair to blame guns. We don’t know if they gave consent or not. It’s a he-said, it-said situation.

Even going to work is scary. You now have to be careful about what you say or you’ll get in trouble. I have to give up my favourite adjectives to call minorities now because it’s considered “offensive”. I don’t know how to talk to anyone anymore. How do you talk to gay people or black people? Ask them about the weather? Is that a thing gay people talk about? I just don’t know! How can I have a conversation with a transgender person if I can’t talk about their genitals?! There’s like, no other conversations to be had! I’M SO CURIOUS!! If a man talks to me, he must feel so uncomfortable now that he can’t randomly massage my shoulders, comment on my looks or whip out his dick. There’s just no way of winning. How am I, as a white woman, supposed to feel safe at work when a women of colour is up for the same promotion as me? They clearly had to work harder than me to get to the same place which makes them even more intimidating. There’s just no even playing field.

Now that I’m about to be a mother to a white male, what will the world look like in his eyes now that he doesn’t have as much power as the men before him? How will he know to take power away from people instead of sharing it? How will he know that he’s just better than everyone simply because he just happened to be born? How do I teach him that if he wants respect, he’s going to have to… EARN IT?! What is a mother to do?! How is my boy going to be a proper member of society if he doesn’t bully his way through life and demand everything? How will he contribute? Compassion, skills, empathy, resourcefulness – these are female traits, my son has no chance! What is going to happen when he starts school? Public schools are being more tolerant of other cultures, is that going to influence my son? Thank God the white-nationalists are recruiting at colleges, it would be so scary having outside influences impregnate my child with horrendous ideologies.

I’m scared of the threat of my guns being taken away. Just because I have assault rifles, family history of violent mental illness and my husband is on the no-fly list shouldn’t mean I have to give up my favourite game of Playing God. It is my right to protect myself from the thoughts in my head and kill whoever I want because the voices tell me to. They can’t be wrong, the voices are in MY head.

I’m scared of Black Lives Matter. They look so scary walking together telling me stories of their loved ones being shot and killed by police. What do they want, police to update their training tactics and learn to NOT shoot innocent people? How will things be kept in control? It’s making me question things and I don’t like questioning things… questions make me think I could be wrong and I’m never wrong. What does Black Lives Matter even mean? Are they saying I don’t matter? Because I do, so I don’t get what they’re whining about.

I’m tired of my kind being blamed for everything wrong in the world. Slavery happened so long ago and I’m pretty sure the history books exaggerated the conditions, so like, enough already! White people are hysterical because we’re being shamed for killing and locking up innocent people of colour. Do you have any idea what it’s like to be judged for yelling obscenities at people? It’s not very nice. I’m tired of being called a racist because I think white people are a superior race, it’s just a belief system and I find it offensive that I’m being judged for my beliefs. So the next time you want to call me anything that ends in “ist” just remember that I am a person too, and I am very scared.

It’s Time To Call Out Predators In All Industries.

#MeToo has been something I have dreamed about my whole life. I am so happy this moment has finally arrived where women feel safe to come forward and not only share, but stop predators in their tracks. I am a woman in the entertainment industry and I feel extremely grateful that I have not gone through such horror as the stories I’ve read in the NYT, Post and Vanity Fair. I have been lucky enough to have been mentored by the most kind and supporting men who truly believe in my work. That being said, I of course have experienced sexism and harassment in music and working in the restaurant industry. The more we speak out about harassment and assault, the less it will happen. Lack of consequences is what kept perpetuating this brutal behaviour towards women. It’s time for that to end.

My experience in music comes not from the business, but pleasure. I play drums recreationally and played with bands casually for a while. Anytime (I’m not kidding, like 95% of the time) I told a man I played drums, it was if on cue they would say, “wow you’re a drummer? That’s hot.” Umm… thanks? One guy I worked with said his band was looking for a drummer and I told him I played and instead of asking me how long I’ve played or what kind of music, he replied with, “that’s hot. Would you play in your bra?” I stared at him and said, “if you guys play only wearing a sock”. That ended the conversation with an awkward laugh as he quickly walked away. Yep. I’ve been bullied in bands, I’ve been asked many times if I would play in a bra (in which I give the same response. It’s foul proof to shut it down) and I was even written an extremely inappropriate e-mail by an old band member basically asking me to sleep with him. Do I really need to remind men (especially older men) that I am a part of the band that plays an instrument? I’m not a groupie, I am on your team. If you wouldn’t say these things to a male bandmate, then don’t say it to me.

I have worked in the restaurant industry since I was 18 so… long enough, let’s just say that. It baffles me how often the industry is catered to men. Fun fact, did you know that women also eat and drink at bars? I’m not sure who started this fad, but it started around 2006 and got wildly out of control, especially in corporate restaurants. There recently has been a fight against restaurant owners forcing female employees to wear high heels during their shifts. My old roommate was a cocktail waitress at – well, let’s just call it, Shirtless Moes and she was forced to wear heels for her 8 hour shift. Her feet were covered in cuts and blisters and she could barely walk by the end of her shift. I’ve worked at a bar who tried to switch the uniform to a tiny shirt and skirt. The servers were all women who unanimously refused, so we lucked out of that change. Most employees though, not so lucky. Just as a customer, you can see the sexism in restaurants. Men staff wearing comfortable T-shirts, pants and work shoes while the females are wearing low-cut tiny t-shirts with tight pants or small skirt. Trust me, it’s not by choice. Restaurants catering to men makes no economical sense. Why isolate 51% of your customers and ruin their appetite? It’s hard to enjoy your food when you feel so bad and angry for your server. I know uniforms aren’t predatory behaviour, but it’s important to paint a picture of what women have to deal with in order to have a decent paying job. Now add perverted bosses, co-workers and customers into the mix and you have the restaurant industries signature cocktail!
The argument for women to avoid these places of work is wrong, the argument is to allow the employees to complain without fear of losing their jobs or have their shifts drastically cut. A bar I worked at, the manager left work to go to a strip club and one of the servers confronted him about it and he fired her on the spot. He turned to me and said, “if you say one word to me, you’re fired too.” Sadly, this is way too common. Men in position of power in restaurants such as bar owners or managers use the same tactics as Harvey Weinstein, minus the hotel room. It’s disgusting and it happens all.the.time.
Even worse, customers also behave terribly towards women. Yep, trying to get me to hug them, they go for the high-five but hold my hand and grope me, lord help me if I say no to a date… they take a few more shots of whiskey and bother me some more. Alcohol really brings out the worst in people, and all I see is the worst.

When I started writing this blog I thought, “do we really need ANOTHER blog about this?” As you can see, yes we do. Every industry has a terrible reputation that needs to be re-written. Women need protection in the work place, in every industry. The more stories that are being told, the more likely something will be done. Someone will identify with at least one of these stories and that is saying something. Women hope that just maybe if men read these, it will bring some self awareness to having them change, or maybe, finally, believe us and support us. Two sad guy sitting in a restaurant I worked at asked me, “what are we doing wrong?” They clearly struck out that night. I said, “have you thought of talking to women like your fellow man instead of a conquest?” Sadly, they hadn’t thought of that. Men, you are better than this. Women, you deserve better. Demand more. Make change.

Last Weeks “Walking Dead” Had Me Sobbing For Reasons You Might Not Think

The latest episode of “Walking Dead” was a tear-jerker to mourn the loss of a beloved character, Glen. I teared up with Maggie when she visited his grave, but it was the end of the episode that had three women from different walks of life, sitting around the table holding hands, and I was suddenly overcome with emotion. It was the first time in a long while that I finally saw real feminism on a major television show. This episode was about women coming together and they are the true heroes. They will be the ones that save them all. I realized I was witnessing three-dimensional female characters that were there the whole time, all the time during the show. All the other episodes and characters flashed in my head and I screamed, “THIS is what we’re talking about!” This is a perfect piece of evidence to use as an example of equality done right and not making it a big deal – because it shouldn’t be! That’s the point.

“Walking Dead” in general has well-developed characters and plot which makes the show so riveting to watch that you don’t even realize that also includes (gasp!) WOMEN! That’s right! Who knew you could have an exciting television show that featured rounded female characters that were strong, smart, charming and diverse! The best part is, they don’t brag about it, they just did their jobs. It was right there in front of me, beautifully displayed and not in my face screaming, “look! We’re totally celebrating women! Look! Cookie now, please.”


I feel like Hollywood completely missed the point when they thought of remaking movies and changing the leads to female. Or they create a cool kick-ass female lead but she’s still a sex object. Or you have a strong female lead that isn’t a sex object but she completely lacks character development. Uh, thanks for trying…? It’s very simple, women are just asking male executives, producers, writers and directors to put in as much effort on their female characters as they would their male characters. You know, tell a believable story (AKA do their job). Even consider giving an actress for a role that you initially had for an actor because really, we’re not that different. It’s been done before with “Salt” and it worked out fine.


Hollywood is trying, but it’s not getting it. We don’t want a big grand gesture that lays out the red carpet and screams, “STRONG LEADING FEMALE!” All we want is equality. It’s not a big deal. It doesn’t matter the sex, ALL characters should have an equal amount of range and development. Oh, and equal pay would be nice, but that’s a different discussion.

I want to take this opportunity to thank all the people of “Walking Dead” for doing an impeccable job and for giving me hope. For showing Hollywood that you can have a diverse cast and still be number one. With all the darkness surrounding us now, it’s so nice to see a shining light… even if zombies go towards it once in a while.


Why Is Dating So Hard?


I’m in a relationship so please don’t take this as me asking in an asshole way. This is me genuinely asking ‘why’ which lead me down an interesting path to why. In theory, dating shouldn’t be hard because deep down, everyone wants the same thing. EVERYONE wants the same thing. Everyone wants someone that can make them laugh and feel desired.  Yet, everyone plays games or just lacks simple decency. Even if you are real with someone, how do you know that person either believes you or is “real” back, or even worse, you become that person that plays mind games to protect yourself? I’m not an expert in… anything really, but I do have a theory as to why it’s challenging. We’ve been sold the idea that this is how dating should be and we bought it. All you have to do, is follow the money.

I’m no therapist, but I’ll pull a famous line used by therapists (or at least one in a movie) it’s not your fault. Our whole world is shaped by our environment and our environment has been moulded by advertisement and media. Think of all the dating sites and apps available to us right now and how insanely popular the dating world is for businesses. There’s money in dating, there’s no money in steady relationships. We are in very selfish times and it’s only getting worse. You can’t be selfish and in a relationship, it’s just not going to work. However, you can be all the selfish you want if you’re dating. At least that’s what we’re being sold. We all want love and we turn to “experts” that tell you to change what you’re doing and who you are to find someone. Even worse, you read books on how to pick up chicks or how to find rich men and train to be a terrible person (just an FYI if you’re a crap bag, the chances of finding a decent person to love you is very slim). We want someone who is real with us, yet we’re trying to find that person in the most inauthentic way possible. How is anyone going to get what they want with so much bullshit flying at them? You’re not, that’s the point.


“Act Like A Lady, Think Like A Man” was a best seller for eight weeks! “He’s Just Not That Into You” was also a top seller and both of these books became movies. Oh wait, there’s also “I Hope They Serve Beer In Hell” that also became a movie. This book has more of a broad narrative and is less about dating advice, and guides more to the famous book, “The Game” that gives tips on how to get laid. It’s not just books and movies that are pulling us in different directions, there’s seminars, classes, apps, websites, bars host single nights, night clubs are popular because people want to dance, do drugs and get laid.  These things can be fun, but when everyone is exposed to so many different “experts” that aren’t their own therapist, then maybe that’s how things are getting messy and complicated. What might register for some may be taken the complete opposite for someone else. Some guy heard if you send a girl a picture of your dick as soon as she says hi, she’s yours forever (I’m sure that’s true somewhere… its the only explanation to this phenomenon). It’s a vicious cycle of advice from people that don’t know what they’re talking about, just want a quick buck. Ever received bad advice from your parent that set you back? That’s dating advice.

What keeps the cycle going are mostly the dating apps and websites. There are 50 million Tinder users, Grindr with 10 million and Bumble has two million users that are swiping to find someone. Tinder prides itself with connecting 8 million users a day. That just means they both swiped in the same direction. It does not mean they have anything in common or even want the same thing. Let’s give Tinder the benefit of the doubt and say out of the 8 million connections, 10% of them start dating (which is a generous percent). Out of 50 million users, 800,000 date every day. That’s 1.6% of their users start dating every day. With results that low, any business would crumble, unless you’re dealing with dating because… that’s the point with these businesses.

There’s the sad ugly theory. Women, I suggest you take dating movies as entertainment only and men if you’re going to follow a widely popular pick-up book, just keep in mind that women read too and will know what you’re doing when you try out some of the “tricks”. What would happen if we put away the dating apps, stopped going on websites, didn’t buy these books… We might just start over and actually remember to connect with people instead of seeing someone as just a profile. Online dating only made it easier for people to meet and harder to connect. All dating advice is, is reminding us of basic human decency. No one has mastered that, which makes dating so hard.


I’m very sorry if you think I have any great advice or a hopeful point to this entry, but really I’m just writing it to say, I feel you. I don’t pity you, pity is disgusting and no one needs to be pitied. I feel you. I feel your frustrations, your excitement, your confusion, your hurt, I feel it. I am sending hope that we can finally see through all the lies and get to the truth. Being kind should be easier than being mean. We all want love, so love.

Can’t We All Just… Not Care?



It’s been a while since my last post and there have been many times I wanted to write something but then I realized… I don’t really care. Who does, really? No one is sitting around going, “ooh I would love to know Angela’s thoughts on ____”. The whole point in writing is for someone to read and in hopes they connect to it in some way. Sure, I have thoughts on things, but that’s all they are… thoughts. I’m not an expert, I’m not an influential voice, I’m an artist with a computer that has a blog like everyone else and their cats so… who cares? That’s what I want to encourage. Not something positive, my bad. However, I think if we all cared less, the world would be a better place (to some degree).



That’s right, I forgot you’re the most brilliant parent/therapist of all time and know how to raise children better than everyone – no wait, you’re just another dumb fuck that thinks they know everything. If you are paying more attention to how other people are raising their kids than you are spending time with yours… there’s a problem. Mind your own business. Unless you notice some abuse (like actual, real, abuse [feeding kids candy isn’t abuse]) then mind the fuck off. Some of the worst parents ever somehow end up with great kids who turn into great adults and yet some great parents end up with little fuckers that turn into Ted Cruz. It’s a crapshoot.


Why is this even a thing? Is it because it’s new(ish)? No one gets it? It surprises me to hear how often people ask super rude and personal questions to strangers because they’re… curious? Really? If someone wants to change their gender or requests certain pronouns be used just… let them be whoever they want to be. We didn’t make this big of a stink when a man married a goat so why is this a big deal? Let people be whoever they want, they’re not hurting anyone (or any animals… seriously wtf?!)  Transgender has been around for a while. I even remember a couple Oprah episodes educating people on it. Now all the sudden it’s a hot button subject? I wonder if people would be more open about it or feel more open to come out if conversations went like this,

“I’m transgendered”



What year is it again? Why is sexism still hanging out with us? I get it, I see shitty things happen to women all the time, I’ve experienced it too but you know why I don’t care? Because shitty things happen to EVERYONE and the more you isolate women from only having conversations about being women, you kinda make the problem much worse. How can we be seen as equals when we keep reminding people we’re not. Listen, I learned a lot about how inequality is still around and there is more work for us to do but if I have to hear another dumb reporter asking Amy Schumer about being a woman in comedy instead of just being a comedian I’m going to… ok honestly I’m not going to do anything but roll my eyes… maybe. It’s super annoying though! Enough! No one fucking cares to hear it anymore, we ARE equals so let’s make it so.


The one thing people should care about we don’t. Not in a serious way. We care to hear the crazy train of politics the U.S is producing but the scary thing is, it’s being fed to the public as entertainment, not serious politics. Politics. You know, the thing that holds policies and laws n shit that control your everyday life. Yes… that. Even the focus topics of debate have very little to do with things that actually matter to the public. They talk more about getting rid of abortions than they talk about how to solve the problem of having LED IN THE FUCKING WATER. Shit! THEY DON’T EVEN HAVE FUCKING WATER IN SOME STATES!!! But yeah, let’s totally get rid of Planned Parenthood, number one concern! The big craze now are Politicians who “speak their minds”. This is an example of “care placement”. People care about the wrong thing. We care more about politicians speaking their minds than what they’re actually saying. Who cares if what they say is ignorant, untrue and completely bat-shit crazy as long as it’s from the heart, right? Someone misunderstood the memo. There are so many outlets for entertainment… let the professionals take care of that. If we cared less about Donald Trump… there would be no Donald Trump.


I’m tired of pretending I care. If you have nothing interesting to say, I’m not going to listen, and instead, think about lunch. If you have nothing nice to say, I’m going to wish I was in a coma. You think because you did a bunch of research online about vaccines you know more than anyone that spent ten years in med school? Good for you, but I don’t care. However, I feel you. You want to express your thoughts and concerns? Cool, I dig that but don’t mind me if I just don’t want to spend my time and energy listening. Why would you care if I don’t? It took a lot for me to say those three words to someone and I have to say… it felt fucking awesome. I highly recommend not caring. It could save you or someone you love a lot of headaches.



The Lessons Of 2015 That Will Enhance My 2016


It’s New Years Eve and everyone is reflecting on this year and looking ahead into next year. I’m constantly learning and as I’m being a student, I’m slowly evolving into a teacher. 2015 was a very challenging and emotional year and I believe there will be more challenging and emotional years to come… but for now, let’s start there. I believe in karma, so given what I have learned this past year, I have an obligation to pass on the experience in hopes the lessons will move onto at least one other person reading this blog. Here it is, 10 lessons I learned from 2015.

  1. I don’t care what you believe, just believe.

BOOM Serenity reference. You’re welcome. I kept hearing stories of success and the power in believing. I have been pursuing a career in entertainment for ten years. Deep down, I always thought it would eventually happen… but never really believed. I was at a point that I believed I would fail more than I believed I would even get a job. I wasn’t afraid of failure because I was facing it everyday. What I was afraid of, was succeeding. It’s something new and different and something I didn’t believe I could achieve. Sounds crazy? It absolutely is! The changing point for me was having a long dream come true to prove that things can change and I can win. For years I have wanted LASIK done but I kept feeding myself stories that I will never be able to afford it. I booked surgery dates but cancelled last minute because I couldn’t afford it. My boyfriend and I paid off a debt and I decided to do something for myself. I made the appointment and was about to call and cancel when my boyfriend gave me that extra voice of encouragement that I needed. When I opened my eyes for the first time and saw the entire room with 20/20 vision, everything changed. I proved myself wrong. Dreams can come true and since then, I haven’t doubted it and in one month following, phone calls have been coming to me with possibilities I didn’t think were an option. I don’t care what your dreams are, but start making them come true. Get that tunnel vision, save up, make some calls, write emails, just make it come true!

2. You don’t know what you don’t know

2015 was the year of firsts. I threw myself into a project I had no idea how to produce, I convinced someone to hire me for a management job I had no experience in and I started a company with no experience along with a partner who also had no experience. How else are you supposed to learn, right? Tons of mistakes were made but there was no lack of commitment. When you’re passionate and you fully commit, people will step up and help. Be the underdog, learn from others and don’t be scared of doing something huge. You learn way faster.

3. Fear is good until you mistake it for logic

I had a big issue hanging over my head and every night I woke up having a panic attack. Constantly crying. I finally couldn’t take it anymore. I looked out the window and asked myself, “what is the matter? Why are you doing this?” I answered, “I’m scared” and it went away. Then I said, “this is horse shit, go back to bed!” I slept like a baby. All it took was me acknowledging that I was scared when this whole time, I thought my fear was reality. Nothing was actually happening to me at that moment. I was standing in the dark, looking out the window. No one had a gun pointing at me, there was no reason at that time to be scared. So I kept telling myself, “you’re fine, stop this” and what happened? I denied how I was feeling which is madness and it kept going. It’s like telling yourself you’re seeing things that aren’t there. Be present, accept what’s happening and move on. Time is your best friend.

4. If you feel uncomfortable, you know you’re doing something right

All the lucky breaks I’ve been given have been through sending an email. My biggest fear was sending an email and the recipient thinking, “who is this amateur? Never speak to this person again, they suck”. That doesn’t happen. Sometimes they need you just as much as you need them. We’re all people. The person you’re emailing is just another person. Most of them are really kind and willing to help. Majority of people at the top started at the bottom somewhere and want to help others the same way they were helped. No one gets to the top without help. Putting yourself out there is scary and uncomfortable, but it works. If you’re always comfortable, chances are, you aren’t doing anything exceptional. My problem is I like being comfortable – obviously! However, when things go very well, it’s when I’m nervous as hell because it means a lot to me. How much focus and energy can I actually put in if I’m comfortable and relaxed? Not much.

5. Right your wrongs

Reputation is everything so do all you can to do what’s right. We’ve all done stupid, bad things before, but make it right.  This is just me, but I’ve noticed that whenever I chose a path that helps someone, it has worked out well for me. Whatever fork you come across, pick whatever will do the most good. I have made selfish choices and I’m not saying I’ll never make them in the future, but when I think of someone asking another about me and working with me, I want them to answer truthfully positive things. Your name and your word is all you have. Honour it.

6. Make time

It’s easy to fall into the rat race. The only thing that will keep you sane is the people you love the most. I’m still trying to learn this and it will always be a work in process, but when I’m around my family and friends, I feel recharged. It’s like a hot summer day after months of winter.

7. For the love of God take care of yourself!

Again, still learning. Without your health you can’t give your all. I have been taking advantage of my health my whole life and I’m just learning how delicate it is. It’s so stupid because it takes such little effort to do good for yourself and yet… I don’t work out and eat McDonalds. All I have to do is eat more fruit and veggies and exercise 20 minutes a day. HOW IS THAT A BIG DEAL?! There should be a brainwashing machine by now to make sure people follow this!

8. However you feel about someone, it’s just you looking in a mirror.

It made my life so much easier when I learned that. Whenever I would get annoyed about what someone is doing, I learned it was actually my own insecurities about myself that I was talking about and using that person as a distraction. No one can make you feel anything. No one can make you do anything. Nothing anyone does, is about you. You can’t take anything personal because what people say and do has nothing to do with you. When a stranger calls you an asshole, it can’t hurt you because they’re a stranger! They don’t know you, you’re not an asshole. They see you as an obstacle in their path. You are a number, not a person to them just as they are to you. Yet, we act as if we have you all figured out even though every person is complex as hell. Right. Stop being offended, it has nothing to do with you.

9. Don’t wait, just do it

I’ve been telling myself the same story. When I have money, when I have this, when I have that, I’ll be able to do the things I want to do. Nope. I learned that from my boyfriend. We shared the same story until he decided, why wait? Why wait to be someone of influence to make a difference when I can do that right now? You have every opportunity to make an opportunity and knowing that is the first step. Decide what you want to do and then figure it out as you go. Just do it.

10. Know your weakness

Knowing my weaknesses helped me with business because I knew who I needed to be around to make up for it. I know my strengths and I use them and whatever I lack, I turn to someone to help me. I always thought I needed to know how to do everything but it actually saves time and energy focusing on what you’re good at and partnering up with someone else who’s good at what you lack. When it comes to weaknesses, know your habits. I know that if I don’t tackle something (such as responding to emails) immediately, it won’t get done. If I have a feeling about something, I usually ignored it and regretted it. I’m learning to respond quickly and trust my gut.

There you go,  hope this was helpful and I wish you all a safe and Happy New Year!

Always Take Your Own Advice

It’s tough to stay consistent because life isn’t consistent. Shit happens and you need to pick yourself up when you fall down instead of hanging out on the floor. I’ve been in a rut lately and it was re-reading an article I wrote for that woke me up! I want to share it here in case it may help anyone else.

The Article