How Fucking Up Can Save Your Ass

homer

WARNING: Lot’s of use of the word “fuck” – Not sure if you caught that from the title, but who doesn’t like a good warning once in a while, am I right?!

“I don’t know about you, but I’m perfect” said no one. Yet, we all think that lie about ourselves sometimes. It’s really hard to see past the end of your nose, especially when you’re desperate or in panic mode. I can’t tell you how many mistakes I’ve made because we would be sitting around forever and I would slowly start killing myself (IT’S A JOKE!). I was never one to believe successful people when they said they’ve ‘failed more than they succeeded’ until I started my own company. Now I’m learning how my bad fuck ups are actually saving my ass in the long run. Here are 5 examples of those ass-saving mistakes.

1. Experts Fuck Up Just As Much As You

Yep because they’re people too. Don’t ever take anything at face value, get a second opinion. Don’t want to go into too much detail, but long story short, my business partner and I were getting completely wrong information from a banker and when we needed things to happen, he was nowhere to be found. Didn’t answer his calls or emails. We had to go to a different branch and talked to someone who is way more helpful and gave us the proper information – which made us realized how screwed we were. We went forward with deals based on the information our first banker gave us – BIG mistake. When you’re dealing with something that is very important to you, whether it’s money, your health, relationships – get a second opinion! I made the mistake of putting these “experts” on pedestals when really, they are just as human as anyone and can make mistakes.

2. The Truth Will Set You Free

I had (have, whatever) a pride issue and whenever things were great I would talk to my family and friends but when things were bad, I would shut them out. I always felt I could find a solution on my own and I couldn’t face how bad I reeked of failure. It got to the point where I completely couldn’t take the pressure anymore and broke down to my best friend on the phone and came clean about how badly I fucked up. Same with my family, the second I come clean about things not going right, they helped me find a solution. Within minutes, the pressure left me. You can’t always solve problems on your own, no matter how hard you want to. Keeping things from my family and friends actually made it worse because I couldn’t release the anxious thoughts that were crowding my brain. What kind of friends do you really have, if all you do is share in the good times? True friends heal you in the bad days so when the good days come, they’re so much richer. Keep good people around you and be honest about where you’re at. Once you let go of always wanting to look like you’re in charge, it’s amazing how much more respect people have for those who own up to their mistakes. I also advise avoiding the hot mess approach… it was not a good look on me.

3. Check Yourself Before You Wreck Yourself

My favourite saying because it’s true and really fun to say. Once you’re on the road to self destruction, the only thing stopping you is a major crash – you better learn from it. You can never be prepared for whatever consequences come your way from selfish thinking/actions but all you can do is accept it, learn and take responsibility. I did some stupid selfish things and I didn’t buy the whole “forgive yourself” business because to me, that meant that I didn’t have to suffer any pain yet the people I hurt were still receiving it. That’s what I thought until a friend and life coach explained to me what forgiving yourself really meant. It meant owning your mistake and doing whatever it took to make up for it and not do it again. You accept what you did, you own that it wasn’t a good move and you never do it again. You don’t punish yourself forever because that will guarantee you will repeat the same mistake. Let’s say you did something bad and you think you’re a terrible person; you will go on living like a terrible person by continuously doing terrible things. If you accept you did something bad, be real about it, do your best to make things right, avoid the same mistake, then who knows the amount of good that can come from that one fuck up. On the other side of the coin, don’t ever under-estimate the power of a second chance. When you give that to a person, their desire to do right will overpower in ways you didn’t think were possible.

4. You Can Read Someone’s Life Story

A huge fuck up is trusting the wrong people. After a few rodeos you start to pick up certain red flags and most importantly, you start to recognize what red flags are. It’s hard to admit, but I’m a naive person and it took me a while to even notice that red flags even existed! Yep, I’m that doe-eyed girl that sees the best in people and couldn’t possibly imagine a bad bone in anyone, but shit happens. Now I’m learning to take what people say at face value and not as fact -maybe even challenge them once in a while. Crazy, I know. Once again, it’s a wacky thought, but humans are very lovely and extremely flawed. Even the nicest people can do fucked up things because we’re a little fucked up in one way or another. Which leads me to…

5. Don’t Be A Judge Judy

Fuck ups really made me a more sympathetic person. I was very judgemental and thought highly of myself until I made a few uh-oh’s of my own and realized, we’re all a bunch of fuck-ups just trying to survive. Some do it better and faster. This world is nuts because it’s run by crazy people that think they’re awesome. We can only do our best and when we fuck up (and fuck up big) the last thing I want to do is re-live that experience so I learn and move on. It’s so easy for everyone to judge an action without knowing the person because it makes us feel like we’re better. Everywhere I look on social media and even the news is judgement on something someone did or said. We’re all reacting without thinking why it happened or why it was said, we’re thinking “why me”.

From being a business owner, I learned one of my biggest flaws is I can’t stand having people be mad at me. That nightmare came true the second I started my company and it sucked big time. You can only do the best you can and when you’re new, you’re going to fuck up and people are going to be pissed off at you. I survived, I learned and now I make decisions that are best for the project, not out of fear of someone being mad at me. You can’t control how people interpret you, or how people think about you. Whenever a fuck up comes along, be understanding because at one point or another you’ve been there or you will be there.

Author:

I'm an actress/screenwriter and I co-own a production company, Gopher It Productions with partners, Thomas Scott and Amit Khosla in Toronto, Canada. The site has links to my work as well as blogs that will hopefully leave you feeling inspired, informed and give you a few chuckles here and there. Work hard, don't take things personally or seriously... The whole world isn't about you, so have fun.